Bronson Pinchot (aka Balki from Perfect Strangers) must have been sipping on the finest wine cooler and toking on some serious shit during his interview with The Onion’s A.V. Club, because he was feeling mighty comfortable. There was no leash on Bronson’s mouth.
You just want to curl up besides him with your bong, and let him whisper about how Bette Midler was such a cunt to her director or how Mischa Barton explodes into a typhoon of tears when you make fun of her ass. Good shit. But the best part of the interview is the picture Bronson paints of the maniacal gay troll known as Tommy Girl.
Bronson worked with Tommy on Risky Business, and said that not only was he as boring as a broken vibrator, but he also made awkward and random homophobic comments all the time. Hmm…I wonder why.
Bronson said, “We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, ‘You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?’ I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, ‘It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.’ Very, very strange. Years and years later when people started to torment him with that, I used to think ‘God, that’s really fitting, because he tormented a lot of people as a 20-year-old.’ He made such a big deal about it. Same thing with Eddie Murphy—I remember somebody calling and saying, ‘You’ll never guess who was just caught with a transvestite!’ [Laughs.] And I remember thinking that seemed fitting, because there are certain people in showbiz who make it an agenda, every third sentence has to have something knocking that life choice, and you think, ‘What are you doing?‘”
GOLD COVERED GOLD! “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” is the funniest thing that has ever come out of Tommy Girl’s mouth! Homealien could headline the Queens of Comedy if he continued to say shit like that. But I’m sure Tommy Girl no longer makes such comments since the aliens cured him of his asshole’s thirst for hard dick. Right.
And who does Bronson think is the most unpleasant human being on earth? No, it’s not Tommy. Bronson said that working with Denzel Washington on Courage Under Fire was complete torture, “He’s one of the most unpleasant human beings I’ve ever met in my life, but he’s this mega-superstar. He was really abusive to me and everybody on that movie, and his official explanation was that his character didn’t like me, but it was a dreadful experience. I spent my salary on time with my shrink just for helping me get through it, and what that led to was the very next big movie that I did. I should have said to the producers, ‘You get that guy in line, or I’m out of here.’ Life’s too short.”
Read the rest of the interview at The A.V. Club. Bronson should really put these stories into song and take this shit to Broadway.