This week, I won’t be spending any money on booze, Twinkies, porn, “massages,” anal bleaching, bikini waxes or the good shit (I don’t mean that last one). That’s because I will need all the coins I get my hands on to spend on the most important auction of ALL auctions! This auction is so important that it even has its own trailer!
The Empress of Lucite has announced that she is giving the world another amazing gift by letting us peons bid on her personal works of art. The auction, which will be held on the ultra-exclusive website known as eBay, will start on October 23rd. The items will include bikinis, pairs of pantyhose, posters and LUCITE HEEEEEEEEELS! Yes, exquisite lucite heels that touched her royal feet. My tinsel Christmas tree will look beyond elegant with a pair of an angel’s lucite heels sitting on top.
This is our chance to own a piece of history (along with a few hard-to-get STDs). If I can’t pay rent this month, I will tell my landlord that GOD himself (aka The Empress of Lucite’s baby voice) ordered to me to spend every last cent on Shauna’s masterpieces. If he tries to evict me, I will sue him for religious discrimination. Or something.
VIA Heyman Hustle (Thanks Livia)