Kourtney Kardashian is the latest celebwhore to join The Bitch Got Robbed Club (along with LiLo and Ceiling Eyes). TMZ reports that the extremely pregnant Kourtney (no, unfortunately that’s not just hot air) came home on Friday night to find that her Calabasas townhome was ransacked and the thieves got a hold of thousands of dollars worth of joo-ree including her boyfriend’s $30,000 Cartier watch, a shit load of diamonds and a few pieces her father gave her.
Kourtney lives in a gated community, so police aren’t sure how the joo-ree snatchers got in (SPOILER ALERT: They hid in Kim’s ass crack).
The most valuable piece of jewelry I own is a half-eaten candy necklace from last Halloween, but if I owned a pile of shiny diamonds, I’d keep that shit under lock and key. Or I’d just keep them near a Kourtney Kardashian scarecrow that constantly babbles about her pregnant farts and how she wonders if amniotic fluid comes in scented flavors. That will keep any bitch out.
And whoever robbed Kourtney better watch out, because Khloe will pick up their scent and track them down in the dead of night! The thieves better keep a prenup and feminine hygiene spray close by.