Presenting The New Rainbow Brite!

October 16, 2009 / Posted by:

Dora the Explorer and Strawberry Shortcake already have eating disorders and lost the fat, so it was only a matter of time before Rainbow Brite followed. Hallmark has sent Rainbow Brite to the plastic surgeon, stuck some extensions in hair, got her a make-up makeover at the MAC counter, and is sending her back to work beginning next year. Rainbow Brite used to look like an adorable roly poly girl, and now she looks like a chick who will try to give you a light show with her glow sticks while you’re rolling on E at a rave. I can deal.

However, I cannot deal with Hallmark replacing Rainbow Brite’s main gays with a trio of furry dingle berries. I mean, the old Rainbow Brite loved her gays, and the new one apparently loves hairy nutsacks with arms and legs. Yeah, no.

And if Hallmark really wants to push Rainbow Brite out on the ho stroll to compete with professional prostitots like the Bratz dolls, they are going to need to try harder. Rainbow Brite is going to need a pair of rainbow bitties, as well as a pair of lucite heels (with a rainbow light in the paltform, of course).

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >