Xenu, Please

October 10, 2009 / Posted by:

Here’s a little tale that will tickle your tonsils and make your genitals pass out. Some source (*cough*Tommy’s dildo cleaner*cough*) told OK! Magazine (via Showbiz Spy) that Stepford Katie is helping her alien master lose some chunk in his titties by giving sex to him any chance she gets. I tried picturing these two assholes rubbing on each other, but all I got was a 404 error. Katie does not have the hard drive needed to make Tommy’s pussy pucker. Does not compute.

Just for farts and giggles, let’s see what the source had to say about this shit: “Tom had been complaining about how hard it is to keep off the pounds, so Katie vowed to help him out. Katie read somewhere that you burn up 600 calories just by having sex three to four times a week. So she’s told Tom to think about how much they’d burn up if they put daily sex sessions on their schedule! Tom thinks the sex order is the best part of Katie’s diet plan, and he’s promised to up the bedroom romps whenever they are in the same town just for the sake of his diet!”

The only way Katie can help Tommy lose 600 calories instantly is by thrusting her robovag and jiggling her bits at him. That will make Tommy vomit from every orifice. Cue Jack Nicholson shouting, “You can’t handle the cooch!

Here’s a few pictures of Tommy butching it up on the set of Wichita in Boston yesterday. What Village People song do you think is playing in his head? I’m going to go with a medley of “Macho Man/Can’t Stop The Music.”

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