White Oprah’s charbroiled Slim Jim body may be on this planet, but her brain is still floating around space somewhere. White Oprah proved this in an interview she gave to Page Six at the launch of her new shoe line for mothers turned pimps who constantly have to run from dealers and CPS officers.
White Oprah got into everything from the so-called intervention for LiLo to the name of her shoe line. Make sure to put the voice of reason in your head on mute before reading it, because if you don’t, you’ll only hear “put a straitjacket on her mouth” over and over again.
WO on Michael Lohan’s public intervention for their daughter: “I don’t go — like my ex — on national television and make things up. He’s estranged from Lindsay; he doesn’t know what’s going on in her life. Michael doesn’t talk to her. “I’ve had full custody of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay’s personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he’s five months behind in child support is wrong.”
WO on Michael Lohan’s behavior: “I can’t change Michael to make him do the right thing — that’s up to him and God. But it is hurtful for a child for her own father, whom she has no relationship with, to say things in public about her like that.”
WO on Michael Lohan’s claims that their daughter is eating up pills by the handful: “I have no idea what he is talking about. I can’t comment on everything my ex says.”
WO on the critics saying her daughter’s Ungaro collection was as worthless as a dehydrated butt nugget: “The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius.”
WO on bitches getting on her crackhead daughter’s case: “Leave Lindsay alone. Let her be a real 23-year-old. Let her grow, and let her artistic abilities flourish. Stop judging the Britneys and the Lindsays. They are very creative girls, and that is a gift from a higher power of God.”
WO on “Shoe-Han” being the name of her shoe line: “We are not going to announce the name so every Google and MySpace buys the domain name. Lindsay is signed to Ungaro, but she will definitely have input because she is so talented.”
Don’t read any of that out loud or two men in white coats will come into your home to drag you to the nearest crazy house. Which is what should’ve happened to White Oprah after she spewed that insane ridiculousness. The. Bitch. Is. CRAAAAAAAZY.
But I will agree with her about Lindsay’s “creative talents.” I mean, being able to snort a line from across the room is definitely a gift from a high power of GOD.