Girl Fight: Frances Bean’s Advice To Ali Lohan

October 7, 2009 / Posted by:

It seems that 17-year-old Frances Bean (daughter of Courtney Love & Kurt Cobain) has inherited her mother’s skills for writing confusing rants about totally random subjects. For some reason, Frances went on her Twitter (her account has since been deleted) and typed out an open letter to 45-year-old Ali Lohan of all people. If we were all to write a joint open letter to Ali Lohan, it would consist of 6 words: YOU ARE SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON’S SHIT. But Frances Bean got a little deeper. We’re going to need an Emo soundtrack for this one.

Before you start, you should know that Courtney Love doesn’t believe in spell check in her household. Rant poetry should be raw. And we’re off:

This is my open letter to Ali Lohan.

Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn’t fame. It’s infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things. I understand that you have been brought up in an envirtoment where the idea of fame is easily achievable but, that’s not an excuse. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other then infamous. Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i’m sure, will steal your money whilst there. Fortunately for the world, there are people who have and don’t have recognizable names, who have obtained artistic integrity and will one day, hopefully, bring that tangible artisticness into light again. Though, its hard to think thats achievable when people like You ali lohan are rendering the world of true talent by attempting to make your entitled ass noticed. How is this fair to the people who HAVE artistic integrity, or a mind? How is it fair to those who truly have something to offer the human race other then a dwindling last name and a few shitty films, both of which, solidified the idea that your just a celebrities sibling. I recognize that i might come across as harsh and no, i don’t personally know you, but its the actions that you take, that speak for you. You blatently don’t care how your recognized, its the objective to get famous and that is what makes you replaceable and a recycled idea .Well, im ashamed to have to be grouped into the same category of person as you. I would rather die a most painful death the be assoicated with the kind of careere your trying to make for your self. I hope i’m wrong because generally i’m not a very judgmental person, but in the case of you, that is MY entitlement.

I have to give to Frances for putting “Ali Lohan” and “artistic integrity” together, because my brain would have never ever gone to that place. And if it did, I’d have to disown it immediately.

I know I’m already on the Grammar & Spelling Nazis’ most wanted list, but Frances Bean just jumped two places ahead of me. I’ll see you in grammar prison, Frances! We can be bunk mates.

And if you’re currently suffering from IRONY poisoning after reading this letter, just drink some milk and stay away from anything Courtney Love-related for a few hours.

P.S. – I’m patiently waiting for White Oprah’s “open letter to Frances Bean,” but I think she’s still lying face first in a toilet from last night’s debauchery, so let’s give her a few.


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