Last Christmas (I Gave You A Pink Slip)

George Michael’s boyfriend of 13 years, Kenny Goss, has quit that bitch, because he was totally over his man always being in handcuffs (and not in the sexy way). The Daily Mail says that Kenny gave George the gift of singlehood last Christmas, but the two managed to keep that shit on the down low up until now.

After George was arrested last year for being caught with the bad shit in a public bathroom, Kenny said he just couldn’t take it anymore. One of George’s friends said, “Kenny had given George many chances. But after the Hampstead Heath incident he said he couldn’t take any more. Despite George saying they had an open relationship, Kenny never agreed with George’s urges to cruise for other men, or with his excessive use of cannabis.”

George isn’t taking the break-up well. Apparently, he spends all day smoking the good shit and playing video games. So basically, it sounds like he’s turned into a 24-year-old fanboy who still lives in his mother’s basement. It is worse than I thought. However, at least he’s not tap-dancing in public bathrooms or getting a sudden case of the Zzzzzzs while driving. That’s good, I guess.

I’m actually surprised their relationship lasted this long. It’s one thing to know that your boyfriend is out licking on another dude’s taint, but constantly being woken up by the police to bail his ass out of jail doesn’t sound like fun. Go ahead and fuck on another bitch, but don’t fuck with my sleep!

UPDATE: George has denied away that Kenny put his ass on the curb. George’s spokeswhore had this to say: “There is no truth in the matter at all. Kenny has been away in Dallas where he owns a gallery but is scheduled to return home this Friday. They are planning a lovely weekend together.”