Dancing With The Has-Beens: No Dollar Store Trophy For Mop Head

CHERYL BURKE’S black magic voodoo spells have backfired yet again! People reports that her partner Tom Delay will announce on tonight’s episode of Dancing with Faces from the Milk Carton that he has to quit that shit due to foot injuries. Tom suffered stress fractures in both of his hooves after Mop Head accidentally sat on them during rehearsals. I made that last part up.

On last night’s episode, Tom said that the doctors and producers urged him to stop dancing, but he loves torturing Mop Head (and us) so he said he was going to go on with the “party.”

But the pain of seeing Mop Head’s face on a daily basis has become unbearable, so Tom has no choice but to bow out. More importantly, Mop Head HAS LOST! I will be dancing around in my living room with my Swiffer while she eats her sorrows away at the craft service table. That table doesn’t know what’s coming.

And here’s Tom and Mop Head’s final performance from last night. Your stomach should be happy too since it won’t get seizures anymore while having to watch Tom thrust it like a Bill Clinton.