Fart away, JLo, because there’s a new Queen of the Boogie Down and her name is Heather Mills (Dear The Bronx, I’m queefing out jokes, so please don’t murder me with your eyes).
The Wicked Cunt of the UK dropped into the Bronx yesterday to open the first American branch of her vegan fast-food restaurant V-Bites (aka The Cunt Cafe). Heather is really trying to turn everybody in the Bronx into cardboard-eating vegans, because she’s already donated $1 million in vegan food to underprivileged children there.
While I was doing research for this important story (because I’m a serious journalist), I found this hot quote from the New York Daily News. Last year, they asked some residents of the Bronx about Heather Mills. Lashawnda Floyd said this: “Yeah, that’s the one with one leg or something.”
And seeing Heather standing next to her vegan restaurant really makes me want to eat a hot dog wrapped in bacon and stuffed between two hamburger patties with steak gravy on top.