You Mess With My Money, You Mess With My Emotions

September 29, 2009 / Posted by:

Shortly after TLC announced they were dropping the Jon from Jon and Kate Plus Eight, InTouchWeekly queefed out the news that he has hit the pause button on his divorce from Kate. Right on cue!

Jon and Kate’s marriage was officially going to be fed to her rabid possum head in November, but now he’s asking the court to delay it for 90 days. In the documents, Jon states: “Even though we were heading for a divorce, it appeared that Kate had been suffering from this divorce as much as I had. That’s why I asked my attorney to put the brakes on this divorce so I could try to regain control over the future of our family. So Kate and I could join on a cooperative course that would benefit our family — not destroy it. I regret my conduct since Kate and I separated [on June 22]. I used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon.

HAHAHA! I love how Jon is backpedaling his Big Wheel now that his checking account is in danger of going into overdraft. This is Jon’s way of licking on TLC’s butt dingles, because if he’s not on the show, he’s not getting a check. If he’s not getting a check, how he is going to keep his tittays slathered in Ed Hardy and Hailey Glassman’s bong filled with the good shit?

And Jon’s lawyer is the fucking best. He confirmed that Jon put a stop to the divorce and added this, “He is hoping to inspire his wife to become less rigid, inflexible and controlling and open up. We’re hoping Jon and Kate can sit down together and start exploring what to do about their situation. Once they do that, the rest will fall into place.”

Something tells me that the headline on tomorrow’s morning paper will be: “JON GOSSELIN’S LAWYER MAULED BY A RABIES INFECTED BEAST.

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