The “Madonna Is Marrying Baby Jesus” Rumor Is Back

September 28, 2009 / Posted by:

A few months ago, hos were saying that Madonna was going to marry Baby Jesus in an intimate Kabbalah ceremony. God queefed. Now, one of Vadge’s biographers claims she will make Baby Jesus her third husband by the end of the year. Randy Taraborrelli told Hello! Magazine (via DM) that Vadge is planning a “lavish ceremony.”

A lavish ceremony which will probably involve a dozen goats, a crucifix, a manger, flying angels and Rocco, David and Lourdes dressed as the three kings. Okay, if Madonna’s wedding rivals the Crystal Cathedral’s “Glory of Easter” show, then I approve. I don’t mean that.

According to Randy, Vadge has been telling friends, “He’s so sweet. He checks in with me all the time. I probably should do the same, but you know me. I think he gets it now that I’m a little – shall we say –self-involved.” So basically, Vadge is adopting another baby. Makes sense. And she also probably likes that he’s potty-trained and doesn’t talk back because his nuts haven’t dropped yet.

A friend of Vadge’s also added, “He respects her, that’s number one. He has learned so much from her. He’s amazed at how well-rounded she is, the way she juggles her career with her life as a mother, for instance. He understands that she’s self-involved, too. Of course, the sex between them is scorching hot. To be candid, it’s what’s driving things.”

This is obviously a case of dickmatization gone too far! I realize that Baby Jesus’ toddler dick makes Vadge’s octogenarian cooch feel young again, but there’s no reason to put a ring on it. A cock ring, yes. A wedding ring, no. Vadge might love money more than she loves herself, so why would she want to put her checking account in danger by marrying Baby Jesus? Fuck with the dick, but don’t fuck with your money!

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