Jude Law Wants His Own Maury Moment

Here’s Jude Law’s latest babeh mameh, Samantha Burke, hobbling around her Pensacola, Fl neighborhood yesterday. At least they tell me this is Samantha Burke, because all I see is chichiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! DAMN! Yeah, I know Samantha’s chichis still aren’t as big as even one of Aretha Franklin’s nipples, but they still do the trick! If I was Samantha, I would lease my new baby out, because I wouldn’t even have time to take care of her. I’d be too busy jiggling my leche bags in the mirror all day long! Yes, I’m that easy.

But seriously, baby is going to need an oxygen tank, so she doesn’t get smothered. I’m sure Salma Hayek has a few laying around that she can give to Samantha.

And in other Jude news, The News of the World (via Digital Spy) says he is refusing to see Baby Sophia until he gets a DNA test. A friend said, “Jude is still very cautious about Sam and Sophia. Until he is 100% certain that she is his daughter he is only communicating through lawyers. If he is the father he will meet his obligations to the child. He is hoping for an early chance to establish that he is genuinely her dad.”

This is a little weird since I thought Jude already took a DNA test before baby Sophia was born. That’s why he admitted he was in fact the father? Hmm. Maybe Jude just wants an excuse to rub one off into a plastic cup while a nurse waits outside the door. The plastic cup fetish. That’s a new one.