Brit Brit Is Single-Handedly Keeping The Platform Flip-Flops Industry Alive

September 24, 2009 / Posted by:

As usual, Our Lady of Cheetos was the epitome of style and sophistication as she left Ralphs yesterday. You should curtsy when you see her.

But seriously, who cares about the dress made from my abuelita’s sewing scraps, or the butt acne on her chest, or her gobble gobble neck. I need everyone to focus on those wedge flip-flops she continues to wear like she’s a day-shift trailer park hooker trying to sex up her look a bit.

Every time my eyes vomit when seeing platform flip-flops on the street, I say to myself, “I know this heifer has paired those things with Juicy Couture coochie cutters that say ‘sexy’ on the ass.” And nine times out of ten, I am right. You know Brit Brit is wearing a pair of those shorts underneath her coverlet dress.

Brit Brit must really hate her feet, because she continues to violate them by wearing the most horrific shit Lucifer (who is a part-time shoemaker) ever created.

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