Dancing With The Has-Beens: Where The Wild Things Aren’t!

Last night’s premiere of Dancing with the Sores was filled with your basic shit like: fake smiles, clenched nalgas, whack toupees (nod to Donny Osmond), meth mugs (nod to Aaron Carter) and limp wrists (nod to Mark Dacascos). That’s until my arch rival CHERYL BURKE and her partner former house majority leader Tom DeLay took to the dancefloor. This performance should be used by the Jigsaw Killer to slowly torture his victims. Seriously, when it was done, my ass was bleeding and my hand was reaching for the phone to call 911.

The hilarious embarrassed look on Mop Head’s face wasn’t even enough to help me shake the image of Tom DeLay thrusting his booty hole, mugging to Bruno and popping that crotch. And the fact that Mop Head was thrusting right next to him made it all the more terrifying. How did this get past the FCC?! I’d rather be attacked by a million of Janet Jackson’s pierced nipples then have to see that shit again.

Okay, okay, I’ll admit that I want Mop Head and Tom DeLay to win so I can get some satisfaction out of seeing her dry up inside when he humps on her during the Samba.

AND I’ll also admit that Tom DeLay really did bring the sex thanks to his “t-shirt tucked into his sweatpants” look. That’ll do it.