Right before Gay Fish made the MTV VMAs all about him by breaking the heart of a toddler, he was strolling around the venue with a bottle of Henny in one hand and his leased snatch in the other. Speaking of, Amber Rose was slowly being eaten alive by a python, but Kanye West only has eyes for himself so he didn’t notice.
Well, bitches were saying that Kanye was drunker than Wino’s nipples before and during the awards show. Surprisingly, Kanye didn’t throw all the blame on Henny when he farted out this half-assed yet entertaining non-apology on his blog last night. Sorry, Kanye, the magic of the CAPS LOCK KEY can’t even save you now. Here’s a little drunk blogging courtesy of Gay Fish:
“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!”
Good lord, I want to Fabreze that entire statement, because it reeeeeeks of Henny barf, microwaved bull shit, and Taylor Swift’s tears (aww). You can tell this is every shade of NOT SINCERE, because he only used ten zillion exclamation points instead of ten zillion and one.