Kate’s Rabid Possum Hair Is Rejoicing!!!!!!

September 10, 2009 / Posted by:

InTouch Weekly says that the douchey-tale romance between Ed Hardy’s favorite butt buddy and Meth Brows has come to an end. Yes, you might as well quit your fuck time partner now, because if these two can’t make it, nobody can. True love does not exist. It’s confirmed.

A friend of Hailey Glassman (aka her weekday dealer) said that she’s the one who killed their 4-month relationship, because Jon is a manwhore who will stick his pasty peen in anything that doesn’t hiss or bark at him. Hailey knew something in the milk wasn’t clean when Jon would regularly come home wearing different clothes he left in. Jon would tell Hailey that he just spilled a drink on himself. LIES. Jon’s Ed Hardy t-shirts induce vomiting, so someone probably just barfed all over him after seeing the fuggery on his body.

The final straw came when Jon took his douche act to Las Vegas even though Meth Brows begged him not to go. The source went on to queef, “When Jon came back, he said very little to Hailey, but his phone spilled the details. He had several text messages and photos taken with girls, including a showgirl. Hailey was shocked that he didn’t bother to delete any of it from his phone.

Jon isn’t that smart in the brains, so I doubt he knows the delete button exists. And I’m more SHOCKED that he actually knows how to take pictures with his phone. Still can’t wipe his ass on his own, but can take pictures with his phone. Boggled!

Jon really must be crying into his Ed Hardy panties today, because he recently said Meth Brows was is “soulmate” and he loves more than he ever loved Kate. And while Jon is doing that, Meth Brows can try to reconcile with her first and ONLY love: The potted plant who got away.

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