A Simple “It’s Not True” Would’ve Worked Too

September 10, 2009 / Posted by:

You know that rumor about how John Mayer and Kristin Calafartmeorwhatever have been licking on each other’s vaginas for two years? John Mayer has pissed all over it on his Twitter. Instead of just pulling a Kanye and saying “BITCH BOGUS,” John brought the cleverness. You know this gave him a boner. John wrote:

Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis. I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together. My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.

The fugly truth is that I laughed at this several times. I even snorted at the image of John’s tiny peenus high-fiving Kristin Calawhocares’ z-list vagina. I SNORTED! What does this say about me? I need more meds, obviously.

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