Nicole Richie Gave Birth To A Pirate Hipster Bird

September 9, 2009 / Posted by:

Right now at a hospital room in the Los Angeles area, a newborn baby is desperately trying to crawl back into Nicole Richie’s vagina after hearing what she has named him. People reports that Nicole and Joel Madden welcomed a baby boy early this morning and named him Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Yes, this just confirms that doing massive amounts of the bad shit will eff up your brains for life!

Sparrow James Midnight Madden joins 19-month-old Harlow Winter Kate Madden as the newest member of the Our Parents Hate Us Club (The Madden Branch).

Nicole and Joel issued this statement that sounds like it was written by Edgar Allen Poe’s ass lips: “In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009, Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. He weighs 7 lbs. 14 oz. Nicole, Joel, Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes.”

Okay, okay, his name isn’t that bad (Yes, it is). If I was still a 15-year-old faux goth kid on ecstasy, I’d completely be into Nicole Richie giving her baby a name that sounds like an Urban Decay nail polish color.

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