Here’s your daily dose of Michael Jackson fanfiction courtesy of The Sun! They have it on good authority (aka the visions they saw after dropping acid while watching The Good Son) that Macaulay Culkin is Blanket Jackson’s biological father. Even Claire Cruise has filed this under CRAAAAZY TALK.
A source said that 29-year-old Macaulay donated sperm which was used to create 7-year-old Blanket. The source went on to fart, “This isn’t just chitter-chatter, even Culkin suspects he’s Blanket’s father. So many names have been mentioned as prospective dads, and this is probably the wackiest yet. But Jackson and Culkin were best friends. He was one of the few people Jackson really trusted and Mack never let him down. Really, Jackson idolised him – that’s why he asked Mack to donate sperm. Deep down, I think he always wished Mack was his son. Creating Blanket was the next best thing.”
Macaulay, who is godfather to two of Michael’s children, has yet to comment on death of Michael Jackson. And of course, he wouldn’t comment on this mess. Maybe he used it to wipe his ass after a serious bowel movement, but he didn’t issue any statements about it.
I should’ve seen the Macaulay rumors from a million miles away. Expect to see this headline in the next edition of Weekly World News: EXCLUSIVE! Linus van Pelt is Blanket’s true biological father! Actually, I’d believe that one.