The Possum Minutes

Kate Gosselin was on Larry King last night, because if she doesn’t talk to the media for more than 72 hours, her possum head will get the shakes and snap at a ho. Yeah, it’s a famehead. And because Kate loves nothing more than to beat Jon’s crotch with her stick of cunty words. Although, Kate didn’t bite at Jon that much which was disappointing.

The cuntiest thing she said was that she knows he’s a good father, but that his current decisions are questionable. BLAH! Kate, bark it out! We know you want to scream, “The douchebag is fucking meth puss, what do you think about him being a good father?!” Sigh. Sometimes I really hate the effect sedatives have on a person (or a possum).

Here’s just a few quotes from Kate’s interview last night. They are all pretty boring, but if you pretend to be Larry King while reading them (aka don’t read them at all and think of a delicious bowl of Malt-O-Meal instead), it’s more entertaining.

Kate on her dating life: “I’m lonely, but I’m — I’m very busy and, actually, I’m all right.”

Kate on Jon saying he wants to quit the show: “Jon’s opinions and his goals are his. I know that, personally, for myself and the kids, this has been a good experience. It continues to be a good experience. And, you know, really the network has been extremely supportive, above and beyond, I feel, what they need to be. And I only experience good things. Everyone works. Everyone has a job. Everyone has what they’re dealing with. And, generally speaking, this is the most flexible, workable, wonderful job for myself.”

Kate on what will happen to the show if Jon quits: “I’m not the person to make that decision. I know that myself and the kids will continue the show.”

Kate on how her child army is dealing with the divorce: “And as any child, you know, when their parents are divorcing, the goal is peace and we’ve achieved that numerous times. The Fourth of July we spent together as a family. My goal is, no matter what the circumstance, no matter what place, you know, one of us is in, my goal is really peace and the best that it can be for the kids.”

Kate on calling the police on Jon: “It actually was not this huge fight. It was just a thing where I wanted to be there with the kids and — as opposed to a babysitter. And he wasn’t fond of that idea. And I just had a very rough day. I have good days and bad days. This day was a rough day. I just wanted to be with the kids if he wasn’t going to be with them… It was not a 911 call. It was the local routine police phone call.”

And if you haven’t had enough of Kate, check yourself into a mental hospital STAT (I should take my own advice). Or you can just get your fix by watching The View on September 14th and 15th. Kate Gosselin is going to fill in for Hasselcrack those days.

Here’s Kate leaving CNN studios yesterday with a shit load of security. They are protecting the public from her rabid possum head.