Chris Brown Must Stay Away From RiRi For 5 Years

August 25, 2009 / Posted by:

Chris Brown was officially sentenced today in Los Angeles for beating on Princess RiRi. I feel like he’s already been sentenced a zillion times, but this time it’s for real. Chris Brown was slapped with 5 years probation, a year of domestic abuse classes and he must complete 1,400 hours of community service.

Chris’ community service will consist of cleaning graffiti and washing cars in his home state of Virginia. So if you live in Virginia, get your car raunchy dirty (you know how to do it), drive over to Chris’ car wash and tell him you want to be able to eat a five-course meal off your bumper. Scream at him that you want him to wax that shit so clean that you can lick cheese sauce off of it without tasting even a hint of dirt. Yes, I know he’s not cleaning regular cars, but let me have my fun.

The judge also said that Chris must keep at least 100 yards away from RiRi. If they are at the same industry event, he has to stay 10 yards away. He isn’t allowed to e-mail, text or call her on the phone. The judge also gave a side-eye and said, “I’m not immune to any chatter on the airwaves. Do you understand, Mr. Brown, that any violation of this order is a violation of your probation and it comes with the possible penalty of prison?” Chris answered “Yes.” So I guess that song he was planning called “PLEASE RIRI TAKE ME BACK, MY CAREER DEPENDS ON IT” is out of the question?

RiRi had asked the court to cancel the stay-away-order, but the decision was not hers.

And while Chris Brown was getting sentenced in L.A, RiRi was in NYC wearing an ensemble that I will file under “What the hell kind of GD outfit is this?!” Those pants should’ve never been allowed to leave the 90s.

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