Spencer Pratt went through Brit Brit’s trash can, pulled out her 2000 MTV VMAs outfit, brushed the Cheetos off, slid it over the factory-defected dildo that is Heidi Montag and pushed her out on the international stage during last night’s Miss Universe pageant. He should’ve pushed her off the planet instead, because that was one of the biggest displays of fuckery I’ve every seen! This is why some people hate America!
You know, it was wrong of me to compare her to a dildo, because even used-up, ass dust-covered plastic fuck toys have more rhythm than this tranny pony!
If you took an elderly albino gorilla who was suffering from a serious case of Tourettes, got him drunk on the cheapest vodka, made him watch every episode The Hills, hit him over the head 12 times with a copper pot, spun him around 300 times while saying Spencer Pratt’s name and then forced him to do this routine, he would still do a better job than Heidi Montag.
The only thing Heidi’s “body language” is telling me is: FAIL.
And if you don’t feel like making your brain bleed this early in the morning, just watch this video instead. It’s the same thing sans Heidi’s annoying ass face.