Because August is the month Brit Brit only wears a two-piece, it wasn’t a surprise that she wore one while doing the Top 10 on Letterman last night. It’s a good thing too, because if Brit Brit puts actual clothes on, Summer will suddenly end. Or is it, if she covered her crescent rolls Summer would never end, because it would be safe for the sun to fully come out shining? Herm.
Anyway, Animatronic Brit read “The Top 10 Ways the World Would Be Different If Britney Spears Were President.” And they are:
10. I’d be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon
9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo
8. Free pie for everybody
7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Vegas
6. I’d lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistible scent of my new fragrance “Circus Fantasy?
5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes.
4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy
3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the moon by end of decade
2. Three words: Vice President Diddy
1. Finally the media would pay some attention to me.
Who wrote this mess?! I hope the “free pie” she’s talking about has a Frapp filling and a Cheeto crust, because this does not sound like the Brit Brit we know and love (or loathe). I mean, no mention of Purple DRANK, delicious dolls, Slim Jims, cheese grits, hanging pussies, Christmas or platform flip-flops?! This is all kinds of wrong.