It’s Not A Sex Tape, It’s A “Nekkid” Tape!

August 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Booooooo! Hissssssss! I want mah money back! So, yesterday, Gawker posted a short clip of a supposed threesome sex tape starring McSteamy, the Noxzema Girl and some former Miss Teen USA turned drunken lady whore (my favorite kind). Well, the lawyers have attacked and claim they have seen the entire tape and there’s no scenes featuring wet parts bumping. McSteamy’s lawyer told TMZ: “From what I’ve seen it’s a naked tape, not a sex tape. At most it’s 3 people maybe wanting to have sex.” I think he was disappointed to. Way to break a boner.

Eric has also issued a statement saying that he did not do intercourse stuff with Kari Ann Peniche (the Miss Teen USA chick). They might not have done sexy shit with each other, but they were definitely getting it on with some kind of pipe or joint, because those hos are riding HIGH.

Kari Ann co-signed Eric’s claim that they have never had sex and also added that she thinks she knows how the tape got out. Kari Ann is pointing her Dirty Sanchez finger at Mindy McCready, the country crackienut. Mindy and Kari Ann were roommates after they finished shooting Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab together. MESSES! Kari Ann thinks that Mindy stole her computer’s hard drive after they had a fight about money. When Kari Ann noticed that her hard drive was missing, she immediately filed a police report.

TMZ says that Kari Ann, Minday, Eric and the Noxzema Girl all had a meeting last month to talk about the stolen hard drive and the “nekkid” tape. They decided that Eric would get full rights to the tape and that was that….until it made its internet debut.

You know, who really cares about all the petty little details, just give us what we want! Fleshbot promises that they will post the uncensored clip today which features a cameo by Eric’s McPeenis. No, we won’t see it in action, but at least we get to see it. I know, it’s the little things in life. Well, hopefully, it’s the BIG things in life…

Just give us the peen already! Genitals everywhere are crying! Don’t make our genitals weep!

UPDATE: Fleshbot posted the uncensored clip and every part of me is disappointed. Why do hos film a “nekkid tape” without lighting the goods properly. You can kind of see what Eric is working with, but not really. Get yourself an HD video camera and try again, Eric!

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