SANTO DIOS: Claire Cruise Is Not Going To Like This

August 12, 2009 / Posted by:

The media is continuing its search for the biological mother and/or father of all of Michael Jackson’s children. Yeah, I thought the mystery was solved when Claire Cruise came forward claiming to be their mother. But apparently, The Mirror didn’t get the memo, because they say Blanket Jackson’s surrogate mother is a Mexican nurse named Helena and they say the egg donor was an unknown woman who was paid $3,500. Um. That “unknown woman’s” real fake name is CLAIRE CRUISE. Get it right!

According to their asses, this Helena woman was paid $20,000 to carry Blanket. The sperm came from Michael and again, the egg from an unknown donor. Some source added, “He chose Helena because she had a latino background but she was also a US citizen and had quite fair skin. She was around 5ft 4ins, slim, aged around 30 and had long, dark, straight hair. He said she was strait-laced, almost a girl next door type. There were no dramas with her. She knew what she had to do and got on with it.

Here’s a video of Claire denouncing The Mirror for not acknowledging her. Okay, the video is actually of her proposing marriage to Leonardo DiCaprio, but since she effed up the sound it can be whatever you want. Shit, pretend she’s announcing to the world that she’s the mother of all of us! Don’t forget to get her a gift next Mother’s Day!

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >