Crazy Says: “Michael Jackson Is Connor Cruise’s Biological Father!”

Claire Cruise, the bag of roasted peanuts who claims she is the biological mother of all three of Michael Jackson’s kiddies, held a press conference outside of her mental hospital cell the courthouse today and she dropped another BOMB. FUCKING. SHELL. Claire says she and Michael Jackson are the biological parents of Connor Cruise, Tommy Girl’s son with Nicole Kidman. Escandalo! Somewhere in the world, Nicole Kidman’s forehead moved for the first time in YEARS after she heard about this fuckery.

Yeah, I know we shouldn’t even be feeding the crazy, but it’s Monday and we all need to be entertained! So… TMZ was there when Claire told a group of interns reporters that Michael Jackson gave Tom Cruise the baby, because “he didn’t like the color of his skin.” Claire continued to confirm that she is from another planet by saying even though she conceived of all Michael’s kids, she didn’t give birth to them. Thanks to state-of-the-art technology, all of the embryos were removed from her crazy body and inserted into a surrogate.

Claire took the blue pill, didn’t she? Bitch is BEYOND. Who needs to drop acid? Just spend a little time with Claire and she’ll take you to another dimension.

I can’t wait to see who else she drags into her crazy world. I mean, don’t be surprised if she declares that Kate Gosselin’s possum head is her biological child with ALF. Claire Cruise is the baby mama to the stars (in her head)!

P.S. – Dollhouse Dude, where art thou?!!!!!!!!!!!!