Yesterday in Los Angeles, Xtina put on her day make-up (3 pounds of creamy foundation made from the blended down skins of virgins and six layers of the Mattel-brand lacquer they use to paint Barbie’s lips) to take Baby Max out shopping for clothes. Baby Max had to wear sunglasses to hide a tiny black eye. It happens. You have too much to drink and accidentally bump into an annoying ass coffee table while crawling to your crib. Kids do it all the time.
But somebody should have told Max that he could have easily covered up that black eye just by wiping against his mother’s cheek. BAM! Just like that, black eye concealed! Maybe he already knew this, but didn’t want to waste one full day soaking his face in a bowl of paint remover and vinegar just to get all the make-up off.