Please, Sir, Can I Have Some Money?

The roach motel door is open and here they come trying to get a piece! Mark Lester, the ho who played the title role in the Oliver! movie, has tap danced over to the News of the World and told them that he believes he is Paris Jackson’s biological father. Maury, please get the dustpan and deal with these SCRAGS BITCHES!

Mark Lester has been a friend of Michael Jackson’s for years and is even his children’s godfather. Mark says that Michael complained about not being able to do sexy times with anyone, because he was too scared. Michael apparently told Mark that he wanted to have children, but didn’t think he could do it the natural way. That’s when Mark offered up his jizz in a bottle and Michael took him up on the offer. About two years later, Debbie Rowe gave birth to Paris. Mark said Michael never told him who Paris’ biological father is. As Paris grew up, Mark slowly started to believe that they were related by blood, because she looks just like his now 15-year-old daughter Harriet.

Mark said, “Paris is very pale, with blue eyes. All my daughters, apart from my eldest, are fair with blue eyes. So many people have commented on how alike Harriet and Paris look. Our families often holidayed together and staff, especially nannies, watching the children play together would say how similar the two girls looked.”

The last time Mark saw Michael was in London this past March. Mark also spoke to Paris at Michael’s memorial in Los Angeles and he said he feels a bond with her. Mark wants some cold hard cash to know the truth, so he’s willing to undergo a paternity test. Mark has tried to call Katherine Jackson, but she won’t return his calls. The only thing he really wants is to be in those kids’ lives. Mark ended with, “I feel it’s important. I love those kids so much. We’ve had great times together. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing speaking out. But I’m not trying to make any claim on anything. Even if it’s proven Paris is biologically mine I wouldn’t see her as anything other than Michael’s daughter. He raised her.”

Below is a side-by-side of Paris and Mark’s daughter Harriet when she was 11. Personally, I don’t see it AT ALL, but I also don’t have sparkly dollar signs blinding my vision.

And La Toya, you know what you need to do, girl. Put on your deerstalker cap, get out your magnifying glass and drag your Bloodhound to London, because you need to GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!