This Is A Post About Constantine Maroulis Getting His Ass Beat

Look at that precious mound of melted down ass dildos called a face. Don’t you just want to make a fist, kiss it for luck and then punch it? Well, some lucky asshole beat you to it! Okay, I shouldn’t be so hard on Constantine Mouralis, because he got his ass beat while defending the honor of our Vicodin Queen: Paula Abdul. But let’s laugh anyway, because that’s what Paula would do too (after a shot of lude paste and DayQuil).

Gatecrasher says that at Casio’s G-Shock party in NYC on Wednesday night, Connie openly professed his love for Paula Abdul and said that he was hoping she would return to American Idol. Well, there was a Paula Abdul hater (aka a hater of all prescription, over-the-counter and internet-bought meds) in the room and this was his cue to have a beat down party on Connie’s face. Or maybe the dude isn’t a Paula Abdul hater and he just couldn’t resist the urge we all feel when we see Connie’s beautiful mug.

A witness, who probably wrecked a good pair of panties (send the bill to Connie) while watching this amazing douche battle royale, said, “It was hilarious! Constantine got into it with this guy who was probably 6 inches shorter and 60 pounds lighter. The guy body-slammed him and punched him in the face and then just stood up, straightened his tie, and said, ‘Bitch, don’t you ever.’ Security didn’t know what to make of this guy. He was so well-groomed in his suit, and he didn’t look like a threat at all. Constantine was so overwhelmed he just sat there on the floor for a few minutes.”

Hmmm…6 inches shorter, 60 pounds lighter? Skat Kat is that you?! Maybe Paula owes him some money. Seriously, this sounds like a story Paula would tell her friends while completely sober (that’s when she’s at her crazy crazy craziest), because it doesn’t make any sense.

And “Bitch, don’t you ever” is the phrase that pays for the day!