Please Send Fishsticks A Thank You Note For Making GOOP Free

Today is Thursday, which means it’s time for your weekly brain colonic, because the new issue of GOOP is out. Although, let’s leave this week’s newsletter alone (it’s about books, blahg) and talk about an interview Fishsticks Paltrow gave to People Magazine at last night’s Champions of Hope Benefit Gala in NYC. Cacaness.

Somebody needs to hand me a sharp needle, so that I can pop the gigantic fart bubble Fishy has been living in. This ho said that she’s a gift box of OMGamazing information and that people get on their knees and thank every God for GOOP. Fishy queefed, “People are so grateful that it’s free. It’s just nice to share what you have. And I have all this great information. It’s just a gift. People want me to do all this other stuff. But right now, I just really love doing the site. I love thinking about the letters, what I’m going to write about, what kind of information we can put in there.” You know where you need to put that information, Fishy? Fart to get a clue.

Seriously, what is she teaching the world?! How to roast a stupid ass dumb ugly chicken? Even Sandra Lee’s drunk ass could probably teach us that. The keyword being “probably.” And what’s with this “grateful that it’s free” mess? People who read every line of GOOP are paying dearly. They are paying with their soooooouuuuuuuuuuuuls. Seriously, ask for a receipt.

Here’s a few pictures of Princess POOP last night wearing a dress decorated with Glamberace’s glittery jizz load.