There’s really something wrong with us as a civilization when a Vicodin-covered diamond like Paula Abdul can’t get what she wants from American Idol producers, but Kara DioGagMeRoughly can. E!’s Marc Malkin has confirmed that Kara will reprise her role as “the useless one” on American Idol. A source said, “Her deal is done. There are no ifs, ands or buts. Done. She will be back.”
Apparently, Kara’s new paycheck doesn’t have nearly as many zeros as the other judge’s checks. If you ask me, if you paid her ass with Randy Jackson’s old back fat skin, one of Simon’s titty milk-stained t-shirts and one session with Ryan Gaycrest’s ass hair plucker, it would still be too much.
Tivo needs to come out with a new BLOCK KARA’S WONKED UP JAW feature. Whenever Kara tries to unlock her jaw to talk, Keyboard Cat can step in to save us from fucking our ears with hot knives.