Kate Gosselin Got Herself A Maryland Bachelorette Party Palace!

July 28, 2009 / Posted by:

There’s a new possum headquarters! Radar reports that Kate Gosselin is in the process of buying a condom (typo and its fits) in Rockville, MD. Apparently, Kate’s rumored fuck time partner, her bodyguard Steve, also lives around those parts.

Kate and her possum friend will stay in Maryland whenever Jon is taking care of the child army in Pennsylvania. When Kate is in Pennsylvania, Jon will go back to NYC. Basically, they don’t even want to be in the same state as each other. Jon’s freshly grown huevos can appreciate that.

This should be a warning to Maryland! Kate’s rabid possum will soon be running rampant through your parts! Put your men on lockdown, because it will be going directly for their nutsacks! It won’t stop until it has gobbled up every last testi-sack! Just to be safe, you should take a page out of Tony Romo’s asshole playbook and post this sign everywhere: “RED ALERT!!! MARYLAND HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO ITS LIST OF THINGS ALLOWED IN….KATE’S RABID POSSUM HAIR IS NOT ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS.”

Aw. I shouldn’t say that. Kate’s possum hair just wants to be pet. You should give it a chance. However, if it starts growling at your ass, bust out of there!

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