Remember that story from last year about that woman who refused to get off the toilet for months and her ass cheeks became one with the seat? Yeah, my nalgas still tremble when I think of that shit. Well, this story out of Australia is sort of like that, except this woman didn’t want to be stuck with her toilet like that.
A 67-year-old woman in Brisbane was doing her poopy business when she fell and got her ass wedged between the toilet and a door. Homegirl didn’t have one of those Life Alert things and she lives alone, so she was there for one full week. The woman was finally rescued when a neighbor heard her screeches for help and called the police.
The woman was taken to a nearby hospital, treated for dehydration and released. Now, I know you’re thinking that she could’ve just flushed and lapped from bowl, but police say that wasn’t possible. They said she “somehow became trapped with her feet stuck on either side of the toilet bowl and her body wedged against the inward-opening door.” That sounds like some Cirque de Toilet shit!
You know ole’ girl is never going into that bathroom again. Her soul demands that it’s off-limits. She’s going to be pissin’ in the kitchen sink and going doody in a bucket in the backyard! If she’s forced to go into that bathroom again, she’s going to bring a tub of Crisco, a fully charged cell phone and some Crystal Light with her. Because if you have to drink toilet water, you should at least flavor it.