We Almost Lost The Crackie Of Camden Forever!

July 27, 2009 / Posted by:

Amy Wino has knocked the crack demon off her back (that’s what they say) and is doing better, but that hasn’t stopped her ex-husband Blaaaaaake from blabbing about the time she almost went off to the great big crackhouse in the sky (or maybe it’s further south?). Blaaaake, who is still selling out Wino for a check, said she pretty much died one night a few years back. Just another day in the life……

The year was 2006 and Wino wanted to celebrate the success of her album Back to Black. Celebrating for Wino meant going on a 3-day binge where she swallowed pubs whole and ate entire crackhouses. Blaaake said that on the night of day 3, he put her to bed, because she had not slept at all. That’s when Wino started to do the infamous crackie shimmy. Blaaake told The Sun, “It was nearly midnight and I’d finally got her upstairs. We were sitting on the bed. Her eyes suddenly went blank. She started having a fit on the bed. She slid down on to the floor before I could stop her. She started quivering again and it suddenly grew into what seemed like a full-blown epileptic fit.”

Just a quick question. Was Maryann from True Blood in the room by chance?

Blaaaaake was afraid Wino might bite her tongue right off, so he pulled it out of her mouth and gave her mouth-to-mouth. Yeah, I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on cable TV, but I’m sure Blaaaake was just breathing more of the bad shit into her body. You know his ass was not sober like a fetus. In fact, he was probably so fucked up himself that he accidentally blew air into her nose instead.

Blaaake went on to say, “I held her to me – and I thought she was dying in my arms… I couldn’t bear for her to die in front of me.

And by “her,” he meant his checking account and bad shit supplier.

Wino was rushed to the hospital where the nurses threw up their hands, screamed “CODE WINO” and then fed her ice pops, washed her crackhive in Pedialyte and called in the local priest to perform another crackorcism on her. Wino recovered and was released. Rinse and repeat!

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