Jon Gosselin’s Douche Heart Will Always Belong To Meth Brows

July 26, 2009 / Posted by:

The picture above is Satan’s screensaver for the week. FYI. So…

Jon Gosselin is still taking up space in Southampton with fellow douchemeister Michael Lohan. The two took their growing douchemance to some polo game in Bridgehampton yesterday. Jon spoke to both People and UsWeekly and even though he denied dating The Other Kate, he still gave different stories about his love life (puke, wipe, puke, wipe, etc….).

This is what Jon told UsWeekly: “My heart is always with Hailey.

This is what Jon told People: “At this point … I’m single – per se. I’m just a regular guy who just wants to have friendship and good times. And I like meeting people. She’s (Hailey) always a good friend of mine. Her family is so good. They took me in and I lived there for a while. I love them to death. She doesn’t like this [craziness]. She loves me for who I am and not for what I do. We are going to chill out for a while and see where it takes us. I’m not looking for anyone.

Hmmm….so this sort of sounds like all you single ladies out there might have a chance at licking on Jon’s Bluetooth headset. If you want to be in the running, you better slip on your finest Ed Hardy t-shirt (a dirty diaper dipped in vomit will also work). It will also help your chances if you wax your eyebrows with a piece of duct tape so it looks like they just escaped a meth lab explosion.

Maybe Jon should let Hailey know what’s going on. After she saw those pictures of Jon with The Other Kate, she fell into a planter again! Hailey needs to stop burying her emotions in plants. It’s not healthy or very green-like.

Somebody please water her!

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