The Possum Minutes

July 24, 2009 / Posted by:

The last time I caught up with The Gosselins, Jon was douching it up with Michael Lohan, Jill Zarin and that Star Magazine reporter in Southampton while Kate Gosselin cared for the child army in Pennsylvania. Since then, everything has happened. I feel like I need to lick on Hailey Glassman’s meth brows for a quick buzz just to get through all the stories. Since you don’t have any of those handy, lick a toad (which is kind of the same thing) and read on:

Kate Majors aka The Other Kate has quit her job as a journalist at Star Magazine, because she thinks motorboating Jon Gosselin is a conflict of interest. Radar says that drunky Kate is still being gross with Jon at Michael Lohan’s house in Southampton. Kate (who has the face of a really thirsty Himalayan kitten) spoke to E! today and said she realizes why people are calling her a famewhoring whore: “I realize being in the public eye often means facing criticism and being a target of hurtful lies. It simply comes with the territory. I just want people to know that I am a nice and genuine person and anyone who knows me knows that.” And I just want Kate to know that nobody gives a possum’s peen hole (no offense to Kate Gosselin). Actually, maybe I do, because I’m writing about it. Carry on….

The NYDN says that Jon is telling friends that he’s not with The Other Kate and they haven’t rubbed on each other. Jon’s freshly grown nutsack is throbbing in anger that The Other Kate went public with their “imaginary” relationship. Jon apparently said, “Oh my God, I can’t believe she did this to me. What do I do? She’s totally [expletive] me over!

As for Hailey Glassman, she told reporters that she really knows nothing about Jon’s relationship with The Other Kate. She then said something about how she wants to be with Jon, then she ran off into the darkness to “find a light.”

Lastly, Kate Gosselin is no longer wearing her wedding ring. And that’s fucking that.

I’m sure by tomorrow we’ll have a whole new set of Gosselin shit to fart and roll our eyes at. I’m thinking Michael Lohan is going to introduce Jon to HoHan and the two will fall madly in love. Then HoHan will introduce her sister Ali to Kate Gosselin and the two will become (don’t worry, I’m not going there yet) best friends forever and move to NYC together. And now I’m happy, because all week I’ve been dying to make a Kate & Allie reference.

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