Scent Of A Crackie
Have you always wanted to smell like you’ve been laying in the moldy bathtub of a crackhouse for several days, but don’t want to deal with the hassle of well….becoming a crackhead? You’re in luckity luck, because Amy Wino is apparently working on her own fragrance (smells like cat piss, crusty scabs, empty ice pop wrappers, Blaaaake’s dried-up dick saliva and weave glue) !
This story is most likely made of lies, but let me dream! Nothing would make me happier than prancing through Kohl’s and seeing local crackies in crakehives spraying hos with Eau de Wino!
A source (aka an intern with a beautiful imagination) tells the Daily Star, “Mitch (Wino’s papa je’e) is keen to licence Amy’s name to a perfume house. He has been in talks with manufacturers and contacted PR firms for advice. They want it to reflect her style with a classic smoky 1950s look and smell. Amy is keen to expand her brand and wants to latch on to the celeb perfumes bandwagon while she can. They know her fans love to copy her style, and her trademark fashion and beehive hair-do were last year’s must-have look.”
One “industry insider” is hating on this idea, “Frankly, she doesn’t look like she smells that nice, so doing some positive publicity to prove it doesn’t just smell of stale booze and fags would be vital.”
Stale booze and fags?! That sounds more like Eau de Michael K’s No-No Hole.