Hailey Loves Jon’s Butter Concoction

Jon Gosselin’s 22-year-old girlfriend Hailey Glassman talked to People Magazine about her relationship with Kate’s former punching ballsack. Yeah, I’m a little disappointed that Hailey didn’t choose to break her silence on an episode of Jerry Springer. It would’ve been more fitting. And Kate’s possum hair could have made a surprise appearance and mauled off Hailey’s lopsided meth brows. Sigh.

Anypeopleprobablypaidherinrocks, Hailey said she started getting feelings for Jon after he split up with Kate in May and spent some time at her parents’ house in NYC, “If you had told me a few months ago, I wouldn’t have believed you.” Obviously, Hailey’s parents are fine with Jon rubbing his fopa all over their daughter’s body, “They think of him as part of the family. They think things happen for a reason. The most important thing is if someone fits in with my family … This is perfect. It just fits.”

When asked about what kind of things they do together, Hailey left out “eating pot brownies out of each other’s sex holes” but did say they like to “watch movies, play pool and ping pong. We laugh a lot because I beat him at everything. He’s a great cook. He cooks roasted veggies with special seasoning and sauces, and he grills pineapple with a butter concoction.”

BUTTER CONCOCTION?! Does Hailey realize People is a family publication?! We don’t need to know that she likes it when Jon spreads his dick butter concoction all over her grilled pineapple. Even Sandra Lee is frowning at that.

Lastly, Hailey actually WENT THERE with Kate. People asked Hailey about what Jon likes about her and she said, “I’m a huge believer in not controlling someone. I’ll give my opinion but tell him to do what he wants to do. He said, ‘I’m just not used to having an option.’ I told him life is about options.”

THIS BITCH! I want to like Hailey, because she’s a mega stoner who would totally suck a dick for a $1 cashiers check, but she didn’t need to bring Kate into this. Too soon. Set your timer for six months and try again.

Hailey shouldn’t be surprised when she walks down the street and every possum in the neighborhood is hissing and clawing at her ass.