Vicodin Tears Of Sadness

July 18, 2009 / Posted by:

The callback auditions for American Idol start on August 6th and Paula Abdul might be missing from the judges table! This time, the reason for Paula’s absence will not be because she’s passed out face-first in the toilet in the ladies room No. Paula might not be there, because the hos in charge of Idol have yet to send her a proposal for a new contract.

Fur Tittays Cowell just signed a new contract for around $100 million, but the producers have forgotten all about the little crazy who can.

Paula’s manager told The Los Angeles Times, “Very sadly, it does not appear that she’s going to be back on Idol. I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful. I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do. She’s not a happy camper as a result of what’s going on. She’s hurt. She’s angry. I think at this point we’re going to be considering everything, including some kind of a competition show. She has tremendous ideas for a whole variety of shows.

The word “hurtful” doesn’t even begin to describe the atrocities the producers are putting Paula through! I might have to down a few cups of Paula’s “weekend brew” (made with Darvocet dust, Diet Mountain Dew, dextromethorphan oil, fermented peaches and a drop of Simon’s nipple nectar, ) just to deal with this awful news. If you can’t get a hold of Simon’s nipple nectar (Gaycrest, you are excused from this conversation), you can use garter snake saliva instead. But I digress…..

Paula is the Krazy Glue that holds the show together! I mean, you can replace Randy with one of the Budweiser Frogs and Kara DioJUSTSTOPALREADY with Jigsaw from Saw, but Paula is irreplaceable!

I use this quote from Paula often, but this time it really rings true: “I scratch my head and I wonder, ‘Where is god when you need him?,’ because this does not make sense!”

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