Squinty Gets To Eat Again

July 15, 2009 / Posted by:

People reports that Squinty Zellweger will star in a third Bridget Jones movie. This means that Squinty can actually start eating real food (instead of ice chips and tangerine seeds) again, because bitch will have to pack on the chunk.

Since BABIES!!! are in now, the third movie will focus on Bridget trying to knocked up before her ovaries dry up. Expect a scene where Hugh Grant and Colin Firth have a slap fight in Bridget’s amniotic fluid puddle.

Shooting will begin later this year, so that gives Squinty some time to devour everything on This Is What You’re Fat. Actually, she could probably gain 20 pounds just by staring at the pictures for a long time.

If Squinty can’t gain the weight in time, the producers should fast forward the third movie 20 years. That why they can just plop a blonde wig on Kirstie Alley and squirt lemon juice in her eyes. There’s Bridget Jones! Seriously, this is the role Kirstie Alley has been eating for her entire life!

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