Benjamin Button On Wired

July 15, 2009 / Posted by:

Don’t show this to Nicole Kidman or it may scare her into overdosing on Botox. It could also cause her to devour an entire box of golden prunes and her ass doesn’t need that. Literally.

Anyoldbabyface, this is Brad Pitt on the cover of Wired wearing a Bluetooth earpiece. Brad already has his own child army and now he’s wearing a Bluetooth earpiece? If he starts wearing rhinestone studs from Claire’s in his ears and Ed Hardy rags on his body, then we’ll have to get Maddox to stage an intervention. One Jon Gosselin on this planet is already one too many.

Brad did the interview with Wired as his Inglourious Basterds character Lt. Aldo Raine. This is all Sacha Baron Cohen’s fault. Bitch mainly did interviews as Bruno, so now other hos think they can get away with it too. Boo. Here’s a little bit of the interview:

On Asswipe Kutcher posting a picture of his wifey’s nalgas on Twitter: “Don’t take a picture of your wife’s butt. That’s silly. Take pictures of other people’s wives’ butts.”

On looking for love on the internet (a cautionary tale for Aniston): Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don’t, they’ll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.

On using the phone while you’re taking a pee or poo:No, you can’t talk on the phone! Do you want the guy next to you to hear your entire conversation?

On texting while you’re taking a pee or poo: “Just be sure you don’t hit the wrong button and end up putting a photo of your junk on Twitter. Trust me, you don’t want those followers.”

Oh, Brad, I mean Lt. Aldo, the internet has already seen your peen and pits long before Twitter.

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