NW Is Trying To Kill Kristen Stewart!!!!

July 6, 2009 / Posted by:

Australian tabloid NW (aka The Bible of Truths) is in SHOCK, because Kristen Stewart has a BABY!!!! in her womb. And the BABY!!! belongs to the Unicorn Forest Prince himself…RPATTZ! Their proof? They think Kristen’s Bud and bud bloat is actually a baby bump! Also, some source (aka the NW intern who was chilling out with the stoned wallabies at lunch) claims Kristen asked a friend to buy her a pregnancy test at the drugstore, because she didn’t want to be photographed with that shit in her hand. Kirsten suspected she might be knocked up when her monthly batch of menstrual berries weren’t delivered to her vagina dock.

Kristen is in danger girl, because the mob of crazed horny Twitards will get her for this. Kristen’s only supposed to be pregnant in fake life! Their the ones who are supposed to have RPattz’s babehs in real life. Not Kristen! That’s just fake life. That’s not real!!!!

The only way we’ll know if Kristen is in fact pregnant is if a rhinestone-encrusted baby eats its way out of her stomach.


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