Simon Cowell Is Worth Every Penny

June 30, 2009 / Posted by:

Last season, Simon Cowell was paid $35 million for American Idol. This season, Simon will get anywhere from $100 million to $144 million. That’s what The New York Post is claiming. Meanwhile, Paula Abdul continues to get paid in Adderrall pills bought from the internet and handwritten I.O.U. notes.

Simon’s contract is up in May and he knows very well how important he is to American Idol. The reality crap fiesta brings in almost $1 billion in ad revenue and Simey believes he deserves a nice slice of that.

Yes, what you probably make a year, Simon is going to make an hour.

Simon will get paid zillions of dollars for keeping his moobies plump and saying the same insult over and over again while sipping on Crystal Light Lemonade in a Coca-Cola cup. Hmmmmm. Sound familiar? *Looks down at pancake moobies, reads first page of Dlisted and sees the same joke over and over again, glances at the Crystal Light Lemonade in a SpongeBob SquarePants cup.* Close enough! Now, where’s my $144 million?! Shit, I’d settle for 144 Bakeshop Twists (my new favorite thing).

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