Unfortunately, You Won’t Be Seeing Danielle Staub’s Chucky Anytime Soon

June 24, 2009 / Posted by:

Today in New Jersey, a judge blocked the release of a sex tape starring The Real Housewive of New Jersey’s resident ex-coke whoring kidnapper. That’s right. You’ll have to get your nut off elsewheres, because you won’t be seeing Danielle’s grinch snatch or leather titty balls….for now.

Danielle’s 27-year-old ex-boyfriend Stephen Zalewski (the one with the body and head of an elderly retired Secret Service agent) told Star Magazine a week ago that he was trying to sell the tape. Danielle told the court that the video was shot on a cell phone and she had no idea he was doing it. Suuure, Danielle. When Stephen was pointing his cell phone at your vagina, I’m sure you thought he was texting his mother to request fried chitterlings for dinner. Yeah.

Danielle gave a very moving speech outside of the court room today after her temporary victory (there’s another hearing next month). Danielle said, “I think not just for my children, but for everyone’s children that know me, and all women who are looking up to me… um…. My private moments should remain just that: private.”

Women who look up to her?! Show me a human being with a real uterus who looks up to Danielle! The only bitch that looks up to Danielle is me! That’s because when I was a little gay I told my kindergarten class that when I grow up I want to be a coke whoring stripper call girl with ties to the Colombian Cartel.

Clip of Danielle’s beautiful speech below:

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