Try not to have a seizure due to shock, but Chris Brown will not go to jail for Ike Turnering Alien Princess RiRi. TMZ says that Chris struck a deal today. Every prisoner in every jail in L.A. is disappointed, because they were hoping to turn that ass out!
Chris must serve 180 consecutive days of hard labor in Virginia (where he lives). To Chris, hard labor is probably wiping his own ass or whoopin’ a trick. But to the system, hard labor is picking up trash on the freeway. Be sure to honk if you see Chris in an orange jumpsuit!
On top of that, Chris will be on probation for 5 years for felony assault. If he violates his probation, he could go to prison for up to 4 years. That’s a silver lining for you, prisoners of L.A.!
Chris was also ordered to stay away from RiRi and he must complete a domestic violence counseling program.
I wonder if they wrapped up this deal in fancy paper with a purdy bow on top, because this shit is a gift to Chris Brown.
Image: Johnny Louis/Wenn