Not-So-Happy Ending

June 18, 2009 / Posted by:

The Mormon daddy of David Archuleta, the baby-teethed mouth breather from American Idol, was arrested this past January in Utah for allegedly soliciting a prostitute whore in a massage parlor. Busted after busting a nut? Ain’t that a stone-cold bitch.

Radar says that Jeffrey James Archuleta was involved in a police raid on a massage parlor in Midvale, Utah. The police sergeant said the massage parlor’s landlord knew something in the jizz wasn’t clean when he noticed that the employees were always dressed like sluts. When the police sergeant couldn’t find a business license for the hand job factory, they raided the joint! There was only one john there at the time and it happened to be none-other-than David Archuleta’s papa je’e’!

They found Papa Archie laying on his belly with a masseuse wearing lace panties standing over him. When the police asked him if he got sexy with the leased ho, Papa Archie admitted that he had. He also said he found the place on Craigslist (enough said). Papa Archie was cited and released. His second release of the day!

Papa Archie’s lawyer is now chirping that his client never got milked during the massage. He said his client went to the massage parlor for a back problem. IT WAS A BACK PROBLEM! A. BACK. PROBLEM. I believe him. Any fully-trained licensed massage therapist will tell you that the quickest way to relieving back pain is a finger up the asshole and a jerk of the peen. It works every time and it’s not sexual. When it involves rubber gloves, it’s medical!

This is actually a big bowl of laughs, because wasn’t David’s father a total cunt during American Idol? I think he yelled at people constantly and was even banned from the set a few times. We can just blame it on his back problem.

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