Enough With Don’t Stop Believin’

“Don’t Stop Believin’” is one of my favorite songs and obviously I’m very un-original, because it’s everyone’s favorite song. That song is eeeeeeeeverywhere. It’s like the anthem of the damn world! Every bitch covers it! Every bitch also sings it at karaoke. Don’t act like you haven’t! I think it’s the unspoken rule of life that you have to sing it publicly at least once. Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat and Har Mar Superstar of Whip It! decided they needed to follow that rule and uploaded their own version to YouTube.

I’m pretty sure this is supposed to suck in a completely ironic way. You know how those hipsters do it. I got through the whole thing, but it wasn’t easy. Every time I hear this song I still think of that scene in Monster where a fugly-fied Charlize Theron and Alien Head Ricci awkwardly slow dance in the skating rink. So picturing that scene while listening to Ellen Page’s “cat in heat” yodel totally confused me.

I just wish Ellen & Co. went with another Journey song that needs a little loving. Maybe “Only the Young.” What’s wrong with that song? Does it have big hips and an overbite? Is that why nobody pays it any attention? But I shouldn’t talk.

I’ve tried to quit “Don’t Stop Believin“, but it’s impossible! I tried to leave it and search for something else that hasn’t been around the block a zillion times, but I can’t!! I’m whipped.