At Least He Doesn’t Have To Hang Around Fishsticks Anymore

Billy Joel and his third wife Katie Lee Joel have separated. This is good news for Billy since he can slap Fishsticks Paltrow in the teefs the next time she calls him “William.” He doesn’t have to hold back anymore.

Billy and Katie issued a statement to the NYDN and confirmed that their marriage is lying lifeless in the gutter, “After nearly five years of marriage, Billy and Katie have decided to separate. This decision is the result of much thought and consideration. Billy and Katie remain caring friends, with admiration and respect for each other.”

There were rumors a little while ago that Katie and Billy’s marriage had hit the skids, because she was out dry humping fashion designer Yigal Azrouel. Their spokeswhore denies that their split has anything to do with Yigal. Some source close to the two said Katie and Billy’s age difference fucked it up for them. He’s 60 and she’s 27. The source said, “They grew apart. She is very career-oriented. She loves going out. She loves the city. When Billy isn’t touring, he’d rather be on Long Island with his motorcycles and boats.”

You know what I think happened? Billy woke up one day and realized he’s not married to a real human being! Did you see Katie on the first season of Top Chef? My toilet seat has a more sparkling personality than Katie. I bet the inside of that bitch’s body looks like the game Operation. Plastic organs and shit!

If Billy wants to get out of paying alimony, he could probably argue that their marriage is invalid due to the fact that she’s an inanimate object. There’s not a court in this country who would disagree with him!