Holy Moly! was the first ho to report that Scotland Yard wants to have a little chat with LiLo regarding £30,000 worth of missing jewels! I love a good story about jewel thieving! It’s kind of glamorous. This is like The Pink Panther! Well….instead of a big pink pussy, we’ve got a sickly ginge snatch monster with a dose of methface. Okay, maybe not that glamorous.
The jewels were last seen at a photo shoot HoHan did for Elle Magazine in London a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, both Elle and the jeweler have been asking HoHan about the missing gems, but she has yet to respond. They had no choice but to go to the police for help.
TMZ confirms that the bitches at Scotland Yard are investigating the jewel heist, but say the sparklies are actually worth $500,000 and not £30,000. HoHan’s spokeswhore had this to say to ET, “No one has contacted us yet, but Lindsay is happy to cooperate. She wants them to find the missing items.”
This isn’t the first time Klepto-Han has been accused of THIEVING! She kind of stole that one chick’s fur coat a while back. A couple of years ago, she reported that a bag of jewels was stolen from her at Heathrow. After police investigated, they found that she had just misplaced the bag.
You know, HoHan would make an excellent jewel snatcher. If this whole “making movies for basic cable” and “stalking dykes” thing doesn’t work out, she has a brilliant career ahead of her in thieving. The inside of the bitch’s nose is probably twice the size of Tommy Girl’s asshole, so she can easily snort those jewels up without anybody noticing.
SPOILER ALERT: They are going to find the jewels in her pants to which she’ll respond, “These aren’t my pants!”
But seriously, they aren’t going to find those jewels. That shit has already been traded on the black market for Red Bull, Marlboros, leggings and a mountain of fresh snow. That will last her a week.